From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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