I wish you could order shots online.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
