Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
