finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
