Have you finally orgasmed yet?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
