I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
