bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
