He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
