i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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