I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
