I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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