hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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