oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
