Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
