Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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