Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
