i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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