You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
