i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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