these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
