Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
