wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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