You work out of a Hotel?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
