he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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