Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
