the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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