i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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