Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
