you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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