You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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