I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
