In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
