honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
