Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
