I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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