she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
