Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
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My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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