i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
