I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
