My sheets look like a crime scene.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
