So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
