So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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