The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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