We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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