hell yes lets make some ravioli
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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