Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
