he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
