All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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