She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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