Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
