Swine flu. Run for my life!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
