'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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