THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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