I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
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Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
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His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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