Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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