So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
