hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
