I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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