I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
