i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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