Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
