hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
