New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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