I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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