i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
