i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Green mimosas i think yes
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
