Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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