i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
