I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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