Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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