Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
