Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
