I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
